How can we expect future generations to care when, everywhere you look, the main topic of conversation is a fight over who should be responsible for the care of our children (all life) and our mother (nature)?
When I became a mother, I had no idea that nature, intuition, my body and children would be my greatest teachers. I thought that I needed to seek advice and have all the answers. Looking back, this was only me trying to control the process, so I would be more comfortable.
I realized we are all unique souls here to forge their own path. My job was to provide myself with the tools to model creativity, unconditional love, and be present to provide a safe space for all in my presence to feel authentic to their experience of reality. All of which requires the presence of a nervous system attuned to its own experience, able to allow authentic feelings to flow and provide space to explore all truths of nature.
The mirror became hard to face when I started to understand my sensitivity to energy and gained knowledge about nervous system regulation and generational healing. I began to remember how clearly I could feel when I was young and realized why it was so painful to feel so deeply. I could see parts of myself crying out for attention, begging to be seen and heard. It all started to come out as sadness, discomfort, overwhelm, shame, grief, fear and anxiety. It was so all encompassing to open back up, heal and learn a different way.
I was navigating postpartum, loss and awakening all at once, and I had no understanding of what was happening at the time. I began to feel isolated, depressed and unseen again. It was like reliving the past but this time I was the adult who could choose to stay and trust that I was held.
I have so much compassion for all mothers and children that have never been held or have an understanding of the transformation happening. I could see the ways I was coping with the intensity of my sensitivity for so long without a witness, and I felt the lack of research, community, support, respect and safety as a mother.
After years of choosing to learn and listen, I have been opening up my energy, rewiring my nervous system for safety, remaining connected to my higher self and grounding in my voice and body so I can share the wisdom that I gained from my authentic human experience.
I didn’t have the resources to seek therapy, the support to guide me through postpartum changes or the knowledge of what I was experiencing was CPTSP until I started finding books and teachings on similar processes. I spent so much of my life in survival mode that I couldn’t see the path always leading me to nature, art and resources that have been guiding lights along the way. All of these glimmers are the sparks that keep me believing in myself, trusting the process and helping me feel less alone.
Through my experience, I understand how necessary the invisible work of creating safety is and am very passionate about sharing my story because of all the brave souls that shared their unique stories, presence, creativity and wisdom. I can now see beauty again, and I feel connected to people I never met in this lifetime, now, and all life through space and time, but more importantly, I feel whole.
My inner compass was leading the way all along. My job was to trust that I could sit in the chaos and find my way through the layers that were never given a voice or taken seriously and reflect with a new vision to see the invisible treasures.
It was a process that I had to go through on my own with guidance and trust. I couldn't articulate how lonely I felt and no one around me seemed to understand because I became so good at smiling, surviving and looking okay on the surface. I can finally look in the mirror and smile at my reflection. The greatest gift of all, I understand.
I am so passionate about what I create because it is aligned with my heart and so much more than what it appears to be on the surface. I developed confidence in my inner workings, found the sight to notice the important things again and no one could take that inner power and strength from me.
Caring and love starts with a solid foundation, and sometimes you have to tear down everything to build a new one.
Life isn’t about competition. Use what you have been given to make the best for all and remain open to growing.
Lead with your heart, wisdom and higher mind to create a way that feels safe and authentic for your soul. There is a light! It’s you.